Southern Discomfort

Shake it off

Matt,

There are so many things that I want to say to you, to somehow try to explain what I did, but in the end you are absolutely right. It’s about trust. Right now I don’t trust myself. I’ve been trying to hold this thing together, and I’m unraveling really fast. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. And in that moment I took it out on you, and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry…I just..

Rae crumples up the piece of paper and throws it to the floor, which is already littered with at least a dozen wadded up balls that had missed the wastebasket. She could not find the words to fit, to convey how sorry she was. Matt had every right to be angry with her. For the past few weeks she had been acting without thinking, reacting instead of waiting. She had alienated the people whose help she needed. And she has no one to blame but herself.

Wallowing in self pity seemed to be a recurring theme for her these days. But she knew she had to try something. The thought of Matt not being around,sat like a lead weight in her chest. Who would eat the honey pies? She smoothed out a fresh sheet of paper and started to write.

Matt,

I realize now that there is nothing I can say that will make what I did ok. You were absolutely right. I know that this letter won’t change anything, but I hope that you might be willing to let me try to make it up to you. If I’m completely honest, I miss having you around.

-Rae

She read it over a few times. Short, and to the point. This could work. Everything else she had written was full of excuses, as she was trying to sort through the tangle of emotions that had her knotted up for weeks now. Matt deserved better than her self-pity.

She yawned and looked at the clock. 5am. Had she even slept last night? Well it was too late (or rather early), to do anything about it now. Running her shop was the one responsibility that she could still get right (mostly). As she went downstairs she fished her earbuds out of her apron pocket, and fired up her IPod. However, instead of the Alanis Morsette she had kept on repeat for the past day or so, something much more upbeat was playing.

I stay up too late
Got nothing in my brain
That’s what people say
That’s what people say

She had too much to do, to worry about the music. She started to fire up the espresso machine, when she noticed that she was bobbing in time with the music.

But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright
Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off

By the time she was wiping down the tables, the song was on repeat, and she was singing along.

I never miss a beat
I’m lighting up my feet
And that’s what they don’t see
That’s what they don’t see
I’m dancing on my own
I make the moves as I go
And that’s what they don’t know
That’s what they don’t know

She danced around Simon in the kitchen, snagging a fresh honey pie off of a tray, and packed it into a pastry box, and placed the letter on top of it. She grinned at her assistant, and returned to her prep.

But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop grooving
It’s like I got this music
In my mind, saying it’s gonna be alright

She felt as if she was shedding all the extra emotional weight that had been piling up, and her spirit felt whole again. She couldn’t undo anything, and she was starting to accept that. Now she could move forward, as herself, no doubts, and no excuses. She was smiling so much, that it hurt.

Cause the players gonna play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake
Baby I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake
Shake it off, Shake it off

She turned off her IPod as she flipped the sign from CLOSED to OPEN. She still did a little dance heading back behind the counter. She smiled at Simon, who was arranging the pastries carefully in the case.

He smiled back at her saying “Good to have you back boss”.

When the first customer walked in the door Rae greeted them with a cheerful “Welcome to the Stars and Scones!” For the first time, in a long time, she truly meant it.

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allison_escher

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