THE TRUTH COMES TO LIGHT
This writer has stumbled on the beginnings of a story that has earth-shattering ramifications, not only for Charleston, but for mankind. Although you, my faithful readers, have been right by my side searching for the denizens of the Otherworld, I have finally seen and experienced firsthand the actual designs of these people, and believe me, this something I not soon forget.
My story begins yesterday afternoon at the Star and Scones Coffeeshop. (Some of the best joe and free wi-fi in Charleston, if you ask me) I overheard some CPD officers talking to Rae Lawrence, the barista on duty at Stars and Scones, about a disturbance somewhere on Grant Street. They mentioned something about plants growing out of control. This perked up my already heightened investigator’s senses, but I had in my heart a certain amount of skepticism since being stung by the Alex Holland/“Swamp Thing” hoax perpetrated by former reader and current juvenile delinquent, Timmyzalive.
Even at the Stars and Scones, my dear readers, the story begins to take on a strange twist. My nemesis of the Bigfoot of the South story, Government official Matthew Avett, was there, most likely taking a break from keeping critical information of that creature out of the public’s hands. I should have known something was amiss, but more about that later. Also, there was Xrenia de Selva a hard working immigrant and college student from somewhere in South America, who was being hit on by a much older fellow by the name of Radigast Vitner, an eighty-something year old man who bore the distinct look of silent elderly desperation. More about Vitner later.
Apparently word from Charleston’s men in blue was that the place on Grant Street was being protested by an unnamed environmentalist group. (Please refer to this blog post about these group’s covert, brave and misguided attempts to stop the Otherworlders from taking control or our resources and food supply). Your diligent writer of the otherworldly was able to collect more information about the happenings on Grant Street from a local dilettante who asked for her name to be withheld. She related that a large wall of kudzu had grown around one of the residences – proof of a government experiment. This information seemed to take Mr Avett by surprise, another example of government secrets being so siloed that other government conspirators are unaware of what is happening.
If any readers do not want to be shown the truth that lurks in the dark corners of our own world, please close your browser and be content that the world is as you know it. If you want to know the real truth, read on…
Many of us from the coffeshop decided to investigate this phenomenon. Rae and Xarina went along as my assistants. I’m sure Mr Avett was to be there to ensure government secrets stayed secret. Vinter seemed to have his own agenda, which made me very suspicious. When we arrived on Grant Street, the young woman was right, a tall thorny hedge surrounded one of the houses on this pleasant residential street. At this time, Ms Lawrence made mention that she was in possession of a magical sword, and then quickly tried to deny it, attempting to reference “Sleeping Beauty”. In all of my watching of this wonderful Disney classic cartoon, never did I once see a magical sword. I’m sure it was a Freudian slip, and indeed, she is in possession of an item of power. I’ll write more on this at a later time.
At the scene, a brave young man by the name of Simon had chained himself on to the mailbox making sure to draw attention to the horrors that lurk within, which I’ll detail in a few minutes. Sadly, the chain he was using was cheap and seemed to break easily, forcing him to end his vigil. He bicycled off sure to fight for his misguided but well intentioned cause another day.
Avett went to investigate around the perimeter of the enclosed property. Gathering my journalists’ tools, I quickly followed, taking some time to conduct a real investigation. I deduced that the wall was impenetrable. Rae splashed some water on it, disturbing the things that lived within the green mass of leaves and fiercesome thorns. Why she did this, I’m not clear. Vitner seemed to be giving some instructions to Rae, and I’m sure that this was her way of making him feel happy and useful at that moment. Meanwhile, Avett managed to get into the separate garage building on the property. The tall hedge seemed to deliberately cut it from the main property. All the more luck for us.
My gentle readers, make sure no government officials come on your property without a warrant. Avett is the very picture of government intrusion, probably an appointee of the Clinton or Bush administration. (Please refer to this blog post about the Carter-Reagan-Bush-Clinton-Bush or CRBCB Conspiracy. Also related to Trilateral Commission). I found Avett rummaging around in the garage, presumably to find some sort of tool or instrument to cut through the hedge. He found a trowel. By this time, brave Xrenia had followed me around the hedge when Avett come out with the hand shovel. Xrenia was using her fine South American senses to ferret out danger — this I’m sure is proof that some people evolve quickly. Xrenia’s case would probably be to sniff out secret South American cocaine and marijuana stashes to make sure she can avoid them. One of the many surprises I’m sure I’ll encounter with her. More about Xrenia later.
Once Avett started in on the hedge, it seemed to respond with a dark purpose its own. Spiders immediately seemed to vomit onto Avett — not small spiders mind you, but small beasts at least the size of silver dollars. They seemed to crawl on him, and I decided to retreat a distance to better assess the situation. There I seen that Vitner had toddled from the truck to the hedge, and Rae with some water in hand. Here I began to see the elderly man’s true agenda. Be still kind readers when you read this – I discovered that Vitner is a “warlock”, a man-witch. At first I was baffled that things happening around me made no sense — the spiders seemed to be blown by an invisible force or suddenly squished on the ground — then he brandished his cane, no doubt handed down from a long line of warlocks to menace his enemies. Once I assessed the situation, I decided to make a bold attempt to get into the garage to get something to fight the beasts.
I managed to get to the garage, but one of the little monsters landed on my arm and bit me, injecting its venom into my blood. It made me feel drowsy, but I fought off the feeling off and looked around the garage for something… anything I could use to destroy the spiders. All the while, Xrenia used her resourcefulness to contrive a makeshift flamethrower. I’m sure the smell of burning hair was from the spiders she was killing off. I discovered a sprayer full of XDDT, which I assumed was insecticide. By the time I was able to get around to help Avett, he had managed to find a larger trowel-like tool and was handily hacking through the hedge. I hiked up my brown bag, readied my camera and walked though the makeshift passage with the others.
From the outside, the house that was hidden by the hedge was a simple ranch-style home. Avett knocked on the door and then tried the knob. It opened easily. Inside was a perverse Garden of Eden. Plants of all descriptions were in the home, and it had a horrifyingly sweet smell. We all noticed a desk with an unconscious man behind it. While everyone looked around at the horrible wonders, I walked up to the desk and looked at the papers on the desk. My journalist instinct kicked in, and good readers I’ll let you draw your own conclusions, but I found documents marked with an “FR” on them. Could this be the in initials of a rather well-known citizen of Charleston? Looking around the place, with some horror Vintner directed my attention to the “Venus Eye Trap”, a nasty and wretched thing that should be found in someone’s drug-addled dreams. Vinter tells me it will actually grab your eyes and display them until another victim is found. I spray the abomination with a defoliant I found near the desk, effectively killing it. With some trial and error and a glimpse of Avett’s darker tendencies (and I don’t mean violent), we managed to wake the man from his deep slumber. He had been asleep for three days.
This man, who will remain anonymous, explained as much as he could. He was a brilliant botanist by the looks of it, but into some shady deals. We discovered that he was poisoned by a spinning wheel spindle. Seems that someone had been reading “Sleeping Beauty”, but it doesn’t let Rae off the hook for the sword. The poison was not deadly, but rather induced a death-like sleep. Nothing like it exists in the world we know, but it does in the other world, my dear readers.
If you think the story is over, think again friends. Vinter thought it would be a good idea to return some of the plants to their proper place. We thought first it was in the Francis Marion forest, then after a wasted trip we discovered it was in the arboretum near the Medical University. By this time I was in no mood to try to suggest anything, my mind attempted to grasp what had happened so far. We traveled to the arboretum, six various exotic plants in tow. After setting them in a circle, Vitner cast what I can only call a spell and it opened up a portal between this world and the Otherworld. Yes it does conclusively exist! A extraordinarily beautiful woman appeared and conversed with Vitner, who I’m convinced more than ever, is in league with such beings. I will be definitely keeping an eye on him. Rae attempted to mislead this being, and it was able to see through her soul and discovered the lie. Vitner was able to patch things up and the being went on her way.
I apologize to you, my dear readers, for exposing you to the overwhelming truth, and now that you’re in the light, you’ll see more than ever before. We indeed only live in part of the reality before our eyes.